The twelve steps are: tools, principles, values, spiritual in nature, that seem to have embedded within them the ability to free people from a life of suffering. They can bring enlightenment (also defined as the end of suffering).

They work for people from all walks of life, all cultures, races, creeds, from all religions. They have transformed the lives of millions of people through out the world, and been translated into over 40 languages. The only bar against they’re powerful teaching I have seen is a closed mind or inability to be honest (ego problems).

“Please finish this paragraph”, don’t let any “word” stop you from finishing this paragraph. Agreed? Ok, They have a saying up in Vermont, there are actually signs along the highway, “Brake for moose, it could save your life”. I say do not let the word “God” deter you from working the steps, they may save your life. There it is, its out of the bag.

The 12 steps do repeatedly use the word God. I will explain these steps and the use of the concept of God. God is a powerful word, So powerful many just stopped reading. BAM minds closed shut. Believe this though, God is powerful even if, just as a concept. If you were drowning, and lets face it, if your reading this shit to round out your otherwise wonderful life, your sinking like there is a 50 pound weight tide to ya, and if somebody throws you a life vest. I say grab hold of it, even if the word God is on it.

I ask the agnostic and the atheist to please come along with me, trust me just a little. I will not spring a trap on you. If you would like to discuss this with someone, I am available, drop my a line.

“Humbly ask him to remove our short comings”

When I was 21 years old, I remember thinking back to when I was 17 years old, and realizing, I didn’t know shit. Then, when I was 26 years old I realized that at 21, I still didn’t know shit, but surely now I’ve got things figured out. But I didn’t stop drinking till I was 26, so guess what I discovered only 6 years later at 32 years old?

So how does an ego-manic with an inferiority complex, do anything humbly? The answer is they don’t, not with out doing the first 6 steps of the program to the best of their ability, anyway.

I believe that a large part of “my condition” was due to a complete, and utter lack of humility. I had no ability to ask for help, I either feared what people would think of me, or that, because I was smarter than most people, how could they solve my problems if I could not? Or even, I am to unique a riddle for anyone to solve.

What a honor and a privilege it is to arrive at step 7, and to practice the principles of step seven every day for now on. As I have practiced this twelve step process, I have grown closer to the God of my understanding, and so many defects of my character have fallen away from me. I find, as I continue to grow in the spirit of my Higher Power, more defects are removed, with out my even asking.

One thing I know is that my higher power is not finished with me, and that I agree with the big book which states: “We know only a little, but that more will be revealed to us, as we walk the road of happy destine”. (real rough paraphrase).

Looking back now, to who I was before program, I see I was just blowing in the wind, a drift a lonely sea of isolation and disappointment. Narrow minded, Frightened, disillusioned, and abused, I was trying to escape my condition through substances, that once eased my suffering and provided a much needed escape, but now only made matters worse.

Who am I now at 41 years of age seems miraculous, but most miraculous is that I am not unique, I am just an average human, who found and adopted principles to live by.

Every morning, when I hit my knees and say the Our Father, when I say “forgive us our trespassers, as we forgive those that trespass against us”, I am reminded of the principle of humility.

The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that step 6 is where we seperate the men from the boys. Because at this point we have begun to grow up and have faced a lot of truth about ourselves working the previous steps.

Step 6 is about living the change, the old character failed and we are not trying to build him up. Instead we are building and supporting our true selves as we were ment to be. Everyday and in every situation we are now striving to be honest, tolerant, and loving. We work step 6 by practicing and improving letting go of limmiting beliefs, charachter defects, and inapropriate behaviors as best we can.

After I had been in the program a while I was still flurting with women, as a married man this can only lead to trouble. I was eventually called to act on my flurting by one of the prettiest women I had ever seen. Now what was I to do? You can see where this can lead to dishonesty and pain without me telling you the rest of the story. I mention it because even though I did not act as best I could of, because I worked through it with a sponsor and kept working the 12 steps it was a great lesson for me on charachter building and working the sixth step. I hope to be working on step 6 for the rest of my life, not repeating to many mistakes, and leaning to grow as I go.

No step is more important than any other step, but the 4^th step seems to get a lot more hype. It is also true that many people who begin to work the steps fall out during step four. If you have ever joined an AWOL (A Way Of Life), you know that if you begin with 20 people, by the time you have finished step four, over half the people have quit the AWOL.

So whats all the hype? Most addicts and alcoholics have made a fine art of avoiding pain. Looking at every relationship we have ever had, and looking for how we may have acted inappropriately is painful, there is no dodging this conclusion.

Many an alcoholic and addict have tried moving far and wide to different parts of the globe in an attempt to: start fresh, change, or begin a new. In recovery parlance this is called a “geographical”. There is no geographical solution to an emotional problem.

By the time most need to work the 12 steps, their minds are not to be trusted to do the work alone. Working with a emotional healthy trustworthy sponsor is a must in my humble opinion. The forth step is good medicine for the ego and soul of any addict or alcoholic.

My History | My Will

When I was between seven and ten years old my mom brought me, my brother and sister to a protestant church in Maverick Square East Boston. After the service, the guy with the collar gave my mom some shit about something, and we never went back.

My next experience with religion was when I lived on the streets at 12 years old, another homeless kid, the one who introduced me to street living, also introduced me to the Krishna temple on Commonwealth Ave in Boston. The Krishna’s would go about the city at this time and invite people back for a free meal and a sermon. I only wanted the meal.

Here’s the rub, they are vegetarians, and they make you take your shoes off. If you have never sat in a room with twenty or so homeless people with their shoes off, trust me it is not pleasant.

Later when I was fourteen years old I was granted permission to live with a single parent family in Medford. The mothers only condition was, I had to go to church with them on Sunday. This worked out pretty good, turns out they were Born Again Christians, with a lot of pretty girls for me to corrupt after services.

I learned from the born again’s, the only way to get into heaven when I died, was believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and that was it, I was in. Since I did not believe in heaven, but didn’t not believe in it, I figured if I were ever dying, I would claim what they told me,  just in case there was a heaven.

I also partied with a lot of kids who went to Catholic school. We would get wasted some times and discuss all the bullshit in the Bible. (as we put it then)

So to recap that was, protestant church once or maybe twice, Krishna temple once, Born again church about five times. (Pre-Recovery)

I cover my personal religious experience because I want you to know my level of education / brain washing / knowledge base / exposure on the subject before discussing, how I see things now. Before coming to AA and hearing about a “higher-power”, I was pretty much an agnostic.

How I Work Step Three

They tell new comers, all you need to know for now, is that there is a higher power, and your not it. This statement besides being true, points to the crux of the alcoholic’s problem. Most Alcoholics whether they will admit it or not, have been living life on their own terms, propelled by self will guided by a single thought (How can I be comfortable).

The practice of Step 3 is the beginning of a profound change in the way we look at things. As the saying goes: “If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change”.

Here is the deal. The real problem, the only problem is our thinking. Once you commence to seek, and to do the will of a higher power, your thought life is placed on a new plain.

This is why it does not matter if you call your higher power God, or a light bulb. As long as you to “think” and question your thoughts and actions, and then try to live by positive principles.

Most people would agree that God stands for Good, Love, Forgiveness, and a host of other positive principles. So when you abandon your limited objectives for these principles of goodness, you begin to outgrow narrow mind, and your life will naturally grow and get better.

It seems super natural but is it?

Living by Gods will is a little confusing for the uninitiated. When I first heard about turning my will over to a higher power, I thought I would have to abandon possessions and collect money for the church (pretty sick).

Practicing Prayer and meditation

In the beginning of AA, many members would take their quiet time, and then discuss together the guidance they received. They would put their guidance to a test, If their guidance seemed based on; a lie, selfishness, fear, anger, revenge, hate, or what ever negative principle it was deemed self-will, but if their guidance was based on love, truth, forgiveness, respect, tolerance, humility and such, it was deemed Gods will.

When new to seeking Gods will it is important to run your guidance by a sponsor or spiritual adviser, or some guy on a blog to double check your thoughts and motives.

Trust in these principles,  live by them, and you will come to know a life second to none. “You will know a new happiness and a new freedom” (AA Big Book Chapter Five- The Promises).

It took me a long time to come to terms with this step. First of all, I didn’t believe in a power greater than my self, and second, I sure as shit was not insane. In step one I had no problem admitting my life was unmanageable, but insane is strong talk.

The Bigbook of Alcoholics Anonymous says quite plainly, and a little to simply for my taste, it is like repeatedly putting your hand on a hot stove. Well ya, it’s like that if you never had fun, or enjoyed a drink? For me, I believe alcohol and other drugs protected me, and with out them I may not of made it. So in my mind, I just had to figure out how to “control” my use, so I could avoid the trouble that often followed. It took me some time to “learn”, when I pick up one end of the stick, I can not avoid picking up the other end too.

If I ever hear another person say “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” It will be to dam soon! If insanity was instead: an inability to take personal responsibility for my self, or a lack of perspective, poor judgment, ignorance with a touch of narcissism, then fine, guilty as charged.

Time, and keeping the plug in the jug has a way of sorting things out. Today I do believe in step two. I have had to re-define some words, the word insanity for one. Only by re-defining was I able to learn, to grow, to recover (this I believe is the essence of step two).

Today, I am able to except personal responsibility, the self-centered behavior has been tempered with the ability to love, and in learning the truth, I am less ignorant.

There is a power that I believe in today, call it what you like, I had to define that for myself as well. But it’s effect on my life can not be denied. All I had to actually do with this step is keep an open mind.

Step one: The Beginning-

All the steps are designed for us to grow in humility. Humility partly meaning honesty, but not just honest in the sense of not lying, but also knowing the truth, knowing our truth. Humility also in the sense that we do not think of our selves as more or bigger than we are, or smaller or less than we are, humility meaning right sized. Many an addict has called them selves an “ego maniac with an inferiority complex”. This is due to a serious problem- Lack of humility, without this we will have trouble keeping our emotional balance, because our security, our strength is uncertain.

How could anybody with a big head, someone full of them selves ask for help? If I am all that and a bag of chips, I surely do not need, your help. What if I think less of my self, Then surely I do not deserve help, or i may think nobody would want to help someone as low as me.

So in order to grow we need some humility, this is where step one comes in. So, Step One: “Admitted powerlessness over blank, and my life has become unmanageable”, requires some of this humility. Usually before anyone makes this giant admission, they have to be beat up pretty good, I mean they have to have been suffering for sometime.

Lets face it, until I try to do something how do I know I can’t? This is why young people have to suffer longer, and generally have a harder time. It has to be proved to us that we cant do something on our own will power. Lets face it we have lived most of our lives on will power, its only natural we are going to have some faith in it (misguided as it is).

Its only after we fail, and then fail again, and sprinkle on some suffering, and fail again, and suffer some more, that we even begin to acknowledge that maybe, just possibly something is a miss. What is this but a total lack of humility.

Do you want proof? Long before most people admit there is a problem, there is a parade of other people pointing at you. A parade of people who know the truth that you don’t. That can see the apple on your head

If my map is my truth and my map is busted or wrong or maladjusted or what ever, how long will I remain lost while depending on my current map? Maybe your wife suggests you get some direction (she can see the truth you wont face). So we can see one obstacle to step one is PRIDE. Pride is a pretty common failing, or character flaw, or bedevilment amongst most humans.

Now, even if you admit the problem, you might ask, how big is this problem? Many people have died before realizing their truth.

So admit the problem, accept it if you can, but look at your track record and be honest, as honest as you can for now. Take step one with me now if you like. Are you or are you not a (fill in the blank), do you or don’t you have a problem?

There is hope with the admission of the concern, you know what will lay ahead for you if you go on the way you are.