My History | My Will
When I was between seven and ten years old my mom brought me, my brother and sister to a protestant church in Maverick Square East Boston. After the service, the guy with the collar gave my mom some shit about something, and we never went back.
My next experience with religion was when I lived on the streets at 12 years old, another homeless kid, the one who introduced me to street living, also introduced me to the Krishna temple on Commonwealth Ave in Boston. The Krishna’s would go about the city at this time and invite people back for a free meal and a sermon. I only wanted the meal.
Here’s the rub, they are vegetarians, and they make you take your shoes off. If you have never sat in a room with twenty or so homeless people with their shoes off, trust me it is not pleasant.
Later when I was fourteen years old I was granted permission to live with a single parent family in Medford. The mothers only condition was, I had to go to church with them on Sunday. This worked out pretty good, turns out they were Born Again Christians, with a lot of pretty girls for me to corrupt after services.
I learned from the born again’s, the only way to get into heaven when I died, was believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and that was it, I was in. Since I did not believe in heaven, but didn’t not believe in it, I figured if I were ever dying, I would claim what they told me, just in case there was a heaven.
I also partied with a lot of kids who went to Catholic school. We would get wasted some times and discuss all the bullshit in the Bible. (as we put it then)
So to recap that was, protestant church once or maybe twice, Krishna temple once, Born again church about five times. (Pre-Recovery)
I cover my personal religious experience because I want you to know my level of education / brain washing / knowledge base / exposure on the subject before discussing, how I see things now. Before coming to AA and hearing about a “higher-power”, I was pretty much an agnostic.
How I Work Step Three
They tell new comers, all you need to know for now, is that there is a higher power, and your not it. This statement besides being true, points to the crux of the alcoholic’s problem. Most Alcoholics whether they will admit it or not, have been living life on their own terms, propelled by self will guided by a single thought (How can I be comfortable).
The practice of Step 3 is the beginning of a profound change in the way we look at things. As the saying goes: “If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change”.
Here is the deal. The real problem, the only problem is our thinking. Once you commence to seek, and to do the will of a higher power, your thought life is placed on a new plain.
This is why it does not matter if you call your higher power God, or a light bulb. As long as you to “think” and question your thoughts and actions, and then try to live by positive principles.
Most people would agree that God stands for Good, Love, Forgiveness, and a host of other positive principles. So when you abandon your limited objectives for these principles of goodness, you begin to outgrow narrow mind, and your life will naturally grow and get better.
It seems super natural but is it?
Living by Gods will is a little confusing for the uninitiated. When I first heard about turning my will over to a higher power, I thought I would have to abandon possessions and collect money for the church (pretty sick).
Practicing Prayer and meditation
In the beginning of AA, many members would take their quiet time, and then discuss together the guidance they received. They would put their guidance to a test, If their guidance seemed based on; a lie, selfishness, fear, anger, revenge, hate, or what ever negative principle it was deemed self-will, but if their guidance was based on love, truth, forgiveness, respect, tolerance, humility and such, it was deemed Gods will.
When new to seeking Gods will it is important to run your guidance by a sponsor or spiritual adviser, or some guy on a blog to double check your thoughts and motives.
Trust in these principles, live by them, and you will come to know a life second to none. “You will know a new happiness and a new freedom” (AA Big Book Chapter Five- The Promises).
